After watching the finish of both the women’s and the men’s races at Boston, I should be inspired. But I find that, despite those beautiful displays of athleticism, my own running lacks lustre. I’m still putting in the miles and putting in the workouts, but something’s missing. I’m hoping it’s just a phase or a passing mood. Yesterday, I ran my easy run with joy, which is something I haven’t felt in a number of runs, so maybe things are starting to shift for the better.
I’m being a little vague here, but it’s not intentional – my running mood is vague these days. I find I have no desire to race. I think the fact that my Lung Run result wasn’t significantly better than last year has had a much deeper negative effect than I’d thought. I’m working hard, but the results are not coming – and I’m tired of being frustrated after every race. I’m not willing to admit that, from here on in, I may only make small gains until I get too old to make any gains at all. But part of me suspects that if I had any big gains to make, I would’ve made them by now.
The reality is that I may not get much faster than this.
I think the only way to deal with this dread fact is to find the joy in running in and of itself and not worry about the racing. I love training. I love the process of trying to get faster. But I hate not getting faster. I guess I need to focus more on training and less on race results – but it’s not easy. It feels a little like giving up.
My goal half marathon is still a month away, but I don’t feel any excitement about it yet. I tried to do a 6-mile race pace run last Saturday, but I couldn’t hold the pace for the whole run. I’m not ready to run 1:16 – and I have to face the fact that I may not run 1:16 – and that it’s okay. I want to run hard, but I want to enjoy the race no matter where I finish or what time I finish in.
I guess what I’m saying is that I want to find a way to motivate myself to do my best without relying on race times. I think this is a predicament many runners past their prime face.
Oh well. Time to lace up the shoes and hit the track. There’ll be time to figure this out later.
I understand how you feel!! I am slow!! I am young but dont seem to compete with the youngers here, but I love running and I am a runner first and then a competitor, some of those guys are competitors first and runners second! so when they are done with they racing, the will quit! I hope to run my entire life no matter what my speed is, and I am training very hard to break my PR's this year, I did an excellent workout this morning, but in races I seem not to pul it off, however, no matter what the race results say, I will run forever, and man!! you are fast!! dont get discouraged! improvemente is improvemente no matter if its for only seconds, I have 3 years without seeing a single PR and I train hard, but I wont stop because I love running and will run my entire life no matter what the race results say.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing you mention is that I love training as well, more than races, the satisfaction from a good workout is way better than the satisfaction I get from racing, dont know why, but it always happens!
Thanks for the great comment, Cesar. I'm so glad you love running like that -- it's not about ego; it's about a lot of things, but it's not ego. Like this evening, our coach couldn't show up, but we devised our own workout of 8x1000m @ 3:35-3:38 -- and it was windy and lane one was filled with rain water, but we did them as a team and it was great. That's the running I love -- nobody's watching -- nobody's wearing a chip or a bib -- we're just out there running hard and feeling great. Now I just need to find a way to bring that joy into a race.
ReplyDeleteWell, you keep training hard and I'll keep training hard and we'll see what happens. Like you, I hope to be a runner for life. The race results don't mean a thing.